HOME OLYMPICS DIGEST

FRIDGENASTICS - a five-events-in-one sport, with the Crouch, the Headbonk, the Extreme Lean, the Deep Dig, and the Drop-n-Break on rotation at the Kitchen Arena. Gold this year goes to Captain Dad in the all-around, with a surprise win in the Individual competition by Child B, for his specialisation in the Deep Dig for maple syrup, a routine for which he has yet to break form during international competition.

RAPIDS-RIDING - A spectacular team effort unfolded when Team RatCamp unveiled their three-pronged strategy, with the larger teammate up front, the most vocal in the center, and the rear-guard deploying a novel and effective inversion.

CATFISH JUMPING - a sport wherein the athlete is surprised by the sudden emergence of one of the neighbors’ giant catfish’s mouths from their pond while the children feed the fish, and themselves, dessicated fish pellets. This year’s gold, like last year’s, goes to Mom, for a jump height of 1.56 inches, with difficulty points awarded for the wearing of flip-flops and a near-drop-of-the-cellphone into the murk.

LIDSPLOSIONS - the GOAT was back this year, as Captain Dad executed every single lid-removal with deep-distance perfection, and an unrivaled ability to complete the full and exact 180 degree turn before marching the lid into a separate galaxy from its original container. Such is Captain Dad’s iconic skill that two lids weren’t even found until late last night, one (to the jarred artichoke hearts) belly-up and blending in with the tile under the table, and one (to the calabrian peppers) in a different room. Just when we think this sport can’t get more exciting, it does, folks.