The honest 5k in winter is anywhere between 1.95 and 2.83 miles long.
The honest greeting card for my friend who’s thinking about kid #2 soon says CONDOLENGRATULATIONS
The honest school lunch for my kids contains tooth-marked beeswax, soapy water, and a mouthful of butter
The honest poem says I FELT SOMETHING AND COULDNT HANDLE IT NOW IT’S YOUR PROBLEM MAYBE IT’LL LOOK BETTER ON YOU
The honest breakfast is the two untouched breakfasts I made for my kids / plus cheese if rough morning
The honest outfit is sweatpants obviously / but also earrings because everyone needs sparkle
The honest gift-wrap is GARBAGE BAG
The honest pet is ants. They show up anyway and take very good care of themselves. Just eliminate trying to kill them and everyone wins.
The honest winter solstice is WHYYYYYYYYY
The honest lap-swim is down and back / cling to wall sucking air / repeat until you have to pee
The honest invitation: **subscribe for half-off thru 12/31 here**
The honest road trip is [REDACTED]
The honest weather report is [BURNED IT].
The honest oil change is ~14k miles overdue.
The honest hamstring is hamchain.
The honest therapy appointment looks like fight club for drunk marmots.
The honest doctor’s appointment is NOBODY KNOWS INSURANCE DOESN’T COVER IT
The honest dentist appointment is lying down on a vinyl chair and then punching someone in the face when they shove a dresser drawer and a cheese grater in your mouth.
The honest coffee shop order is DRUGS AND SUGAR HURRY
Honest bedtime is [immediately.]
The honest novel says WELCOME TO WHERE WE’D ALL RATHER BE DESPITE THE HORRORS
The honest dinner party ends after appetizers.
Honest sex is a lot more interesting.
Subscribe here for 1/2 off if you like it that way!
Honest hair color on a Euro-mutt of Swiss descent is Dying Grasslands.
The honest diploma reads I AM IMPORTANT PLUS GOLD STICKER
Honest wrinkle creams NOPE
Honest bedding arrangements exist in Europe only and involve TWO DUVETS
Your honest height is whatever you usually say minus 0.5-1.5 inches
Honest road signs just say GOOD LUCK
Honest cat-sitting situation: once a day not twice plus I get the cheezits in your cupboard
Honest reaction to your dog: get it out of my crotch
Honest floors: filth
Honest string player: did not make the entrance on time but created a masterful illusion of it which also requires skill
Honest twin-mom: should get her own diaper THERE IS NEVER TIME TO PEE
Honestly, Ithaca: MORE PUBLIC BATHROOMS
Honest baker: GLUTEN FREE IS GROSS / CHICKPEA FLOUR CAN SUCK IT
Honest regret: that we are not together in more than words
Honest Substack around the holidays: cranky, hasty, hopeful / dorky, lost, exhausted, grateful.
Honest bird id: I do not have any idea what the hell that was.
For some, this day of the winter solstice is also the Feast of St. Thomas the Apostle. Yea, that guy, the so-called "doubting Thomas." It teaches me:
Honest faith: filled with doubt.
Honest doubt: essential to faith.
Grateful for you Caroline!