SLEEPERY SLOPE
Me: You can thank me any time. By bravely suffering through not ever really sleeping, I am preventing world disaster!
World: I am patently disastrous.
Me: OK, but I’m preventing a few natural disasters here and there from annihilating quite as many people. By not sleeping, see.
World: Also nope.
Me: I’ve totally got it on the robbery front though. We haven’t had ANY robberies. On account of my not sleeping.
World: You did have a bike stolen— actually, two— and beyond that, it’s just that no one thinks your house is worth robbing. The pile of shovels at the corner of the shed is not only ugly but baffling. Why do you have so many shovels.
Me: You haven’t considered what I’ve prevented from happening *inside* my house. By not sleeping.
World: Like what?