EXPLANATION OF BENEFITS

Benefits of Having a Long-stemmed Carnation in Your Underwear:

1. The stem is very long.

2. Might be a rose.

3. It’s pink.

4. Wobbles when you walk.

5. No one else has a long-stemmed carnation in their underwear.

6. It’s ready to go.

Benefits of Lining Stuffed Animals up along Back of Toilet to Watch You in the Bath:

1. They’re learning

2. Not alone

3. Ratty is naughty, never bathes, so, doing a way better job than him

4. In event of boring bath toys, option to give animals a bath too*

*as long as no one is looking

Benefits of Attaching Tipped over Rocking Chair to MagneTile Train Cars:

1. Masking tape

2. Lots of masking tape

3. Vroom

4. Cars break wow

5. More things to fix

6. Sister’s really into seatbelts so if you let her be in charge of masking tape you’re set for company

7. Chair chassis big enough to put Sister on

8. Roof optional

9. Push her around!

10. Maybe it is a mower

Benefits of Eating food off the Floor without Your Hands

1. You are a cat

2. Tastes good

3. No plate

4. Crackers make good sliding-out-of-box-and-hitting-floor sound

5. Lick-marks on floor make it shiny

6. Mouths are neato

7. Cat cat cat kitty O

Benefits of Painting your Skin Pastel Pink with Acrylics from Knees to Navel

1. Initial hiding capacity: if shorts on, mostly covered. Delays discovery.

2. Once fully confident of Right Choice, can use above hiding capacity for the reveal: “MOM! LOOK!” (whip them off and voila)

3. You are now pink

4. Pink!

5. Can be done behind couch which is nice place

6. Acrylics less chilly than watercolors

7. Large swath of color

8. Get whole bar of soap for bath

9. Bath turns pink also!

Benefits of Collapsing Roof of Snow Cave in Spite of Friendly and Unfriendly Warnings and Requests Not To

1. Wow

2. Exciting

3. Ice numbs scraped face for you

4. Mass: impressive

5. Cave is still cave, just filled

6. If unsure, can repeat procedure with remaining roof

Benefits of Bringing Small Plastic Electric Vehicles up from Grandparents’ Basement to First Floor for Slow-Mo Chases over Rugs that You Get Stuck on

1. Hallway echo power

2. Getting stuck on rugs

3. More obstacles

4. More people

5. More people obstacles

6. More stuck hahahahahaha

Benefits of Climbing on Tight Counter Space while Grandmeg Makes Pancakes

1. Last time you burnt your finger and this is not last time!

2. Demonstrate skillz on 1-inch ledge woooo CHEKKIT

3. Batter, obvs

4. Berries are ok

5. Get better spot than sister

6. Get better spot than last time

7. Getting better spot

Benefits of opening and Shredding a Wool-stuffed Pillow

1. Feels great

2. Very pretty fluff

3. Can make nest

4. Or not

5. Quiet activity so no one will know for a while

6. Can you believe all that was in there??

7. Fills up whole room!

8. Feels great!

9. VERY pretty fluff!

10. Can make nest

11. Or not

12. No one has found you yet.

13. Can you believe all that was in there?

14. Fills up whole room!!

15. Feels great!!

16. BEAUTIFUL FLUFFFFFFFFFF

Big slobbery TY to anyone who likes, shares, comments, and/or subscribes for free or otherwise. I applaud your courageous manhandling of the stinky imperious algorithm.