Benefits of Having a Long-stemmed Carnation in Your Underwear:
The stem is very long.
Might be a rose.
It’s pink.
Wobbles when you walk.
No one else has a long-stemmed carnation in their underwear.
It’s ready to go.
Benefits of Lining Stuffed Animals up along Back of Toilet to Watch You in the Bath:
They’re learning
Not alone
Ratty is naughty, never bathes, so, doing a way better job than him
In event of boring bath toys, option to give animals a bath too*
*as long as no one is looking
Benefits of Attaching Tipped over Rocking Chair to MagneTile Train Cars:
Masking tape
Lots of masking tape
Vroom
Cars break wow
More things to fix
Sister’s really into seatbelts so if you let her be in charge of masking tape you’re set for company
Chair chassis big enough to put Sister on
Roof optional
Push her around!
Maybe it is a mower
Benefits of Eating food off the Floor without Your Hands
You are a cat
Tastes good
No plate
Crackers make good sliding-out-of-box-and-hitting-floor sound
Lick-marks on floor make it shiny
Mouths are neato
Cat cat cat kitty O
Benefits of Painting your Skin Pastel Pink with Acrylics from Knees to Navel
Initial hiding capacity: if shorts on, mostly covered. Delays discovery.
Once fully confident of Right Choice, can use above hiding capacity for the reveal: “MOM! LOOK!” (whip them off and voila)
You are now pink
Pink!
Can be done behind couch which is nice place
Acrylics less chilly than watercolors
Large swath of color
Get whole bar of soap for bath
Bath turns pink also!
Benefits of Collapsing Roof of Snow Cave in Spite of Friendly and Unfriendly Warnings and Requests Not To
Wow
Exciting
Ice numbs scraped face for you
Mass: impressive
Cave is still cave, just filled
If unsure, can repeat procedure with remaining roof
Benefits of Bringing Small Plastic Electric Vehicles up from Grandparents’ Basement to First Floor for Slow-Mo Chases over Rugs that You Get Stuck on
Hallway echo power
Getting stuck on rugs
More obstacles
More people
More people obstacles
More stuck hahahahahaha
Benefits of Climbing on Tight Counter Space while Grandmeg Makes Pancakes
Last time you burnt your finger and this is not last time!
Demonstrate skillz on 1-inch ledge woooo CHEKKIT
Batter, obvs
Berries are ok
Get better spot than sister
Get better spot than last time
Getting better spot
Benefits of opening and Shredding a Wool-stuffed Pillow
Feels great
Very pretty fluff
Can make nest
Or not
Quiet activity so no one will know for a while
Can you believe all that was in there??
Fills up whole room!
Feels great!
VERY pretty fluff!
Can make nest
Or not
No one has found you yet.
Can you believe all that was in there?
Fills up whole room!!
Feels great!!
BEAUTIFUL FLUFFFFFFFFFF
Big slobbery TY to anyone who likes, shares, comments, and/or subscribes for free or otherwise. I applaud your courageous manhandling of the stinky imperious algorithm.
I think this might be a masterpiece of psychological insight
Do I need prior authorization for any of these benefits or can I just go straight to eating off the floor? Don't answer that, it's already too late.